Blog Challenge, Question 2…..20 facts about me

Question number two of the blog challenge, 20 facts about me. This one is a little harder than what I thought it would be, I’m not as exciting of a person as I use to be.

1. I am a Registered Nurse at a local Emergency Room.
2. I have two wonderful children; a little girl who is 7 going on 18, and a little boy who just turned 4.
3. I absolutely love school, I plan to eventually go back once I can afford it. I love the feeling of moving forward and bettering myself.
4. I have two older sisters, and an older brother. They are my dads children from before he met my mom, so technically I grew up as an only child. They lived on the other side of the United States.
5. I tend to look at my feet when I walk.
6. I love to read, when I actually let myself. When I start a book or series of books, I can’t stop until they are finished. I feel like its a movie that I can’t pause, if I walk away I might miss something. So, I’ve had to tone down on the reading due to lacking on other responsibilities.
7. I’m a puzzle freak, I can sit down and do 2000 piece puzzles in nothing flat. I love the peacefulness, and the focus while putting the puzzle together. It forces me to not think about everything else going on.
8. I’m an impulse shopper, I stay out of stores to prevent this from taking over my life. “Oh that’s pretty…. I might need that…. I’ll buy it just in case.” Yeah not a good quality……
9. I love video games, but I get motion sickness if I’m not careful. Yes, dork….I know…
10. Batting cages are one of the most stress relieving things for me, I have fun doing it and I feel better afterwards. My arms are usually sore as shit though.
11. I’m crazy about organization, I love label makers, bins, and baskets. I live in a very small rental house right now and it drives me absolutely crazy, it is not “organizationally friendly”. Especially after you jam 4 of us in here with two dogs.
12. I like to draw, not to bad at it either. My only issue with that is, I can’t come up with my own ideas. I always have to find something to copy. As I get older, my imagination gets worse and worse. I never had that problem as a child. So that gets boring quickly.
13. I was married once right out of high school, I have been tainted ever since. I refuse to do it again.
14. My dream is to go overseas and use my medical skills to help people who need it, although I know this will never happen. I couldn’t leave my kids for that period of time, for their sake and my own.
15. I’m a list maker, I have lists for everything! This goes into the fact that I love office supplies but I won’t go into that right now. 🙂
16. I have pretty poor self- esteem, I always have. Its something I’ve worked on with no avail.
17. My dad’s side of the family is Italian, so I grew up with lots of spaghetti, wine, and that funny uncle that sits at the end of the table looking like something out of the Godfather. I would love to go to Italy to meet some of my family one day.
18. I am a soda addict. I drink it all day. Mountain Dew and Pepsi are my favorites. I need to work on my water intake a little bit…….okay a lot.
19. Hoop dancing is one of my passions, I have recently fallen out of doing this but hope to get back to it soon. I have 6 hoops of all weights and sizes, one of which (my favorite) a hot pink poly pro!
20. Okay this one is my little embarrassing secret. It shows how big of a dork I truly am…… I love Pez…. anything pez! I have 200+ dispensers collected in bins in my closet. There was a time in my life that I truly lived by “its the small things in life” and how can a pez dispenser not make someone happy?? They are small, cute, interesting, and there are so many different kinds. The candy is nasty lol…. but the products themselves are amazing!

Whew, okay so there are 20 things about me. I made it out alive……..

Quarter Life Crisis…? FFS…..

The last couple of months I have been wondering around like a zombie, unsure of what I am doing, where I am going, or who I am….. I am normally a very outgoing person, busy body, who loves to socialize and have fun. I worked my ass off through college, I have a decent job, and a family….why do I still feel this way. My sudden change has made family, friends, and co-workers question me about my situation. I generally laugh it off and just to satisfy their curiosity, blame it on a mid life crisis. This conversation usually finishes with them laughing and reminding me that I’m only 27. I didn’t take my fake diagnosis to heart, it was just a way to get people to not ask every 5 minutes if everything is okay. Maybe also my way of making light of the situation.

Today while browsing on the internet I ran across a headline from a British research team about studies on “quarter life crisis”. It talked about how young adults in their 20’s to early 30’s are showing the same “symptoms” or qualities of someone in their 40’s-50’s going through a midlife crisis. Of course at this point I’m hooked, anything to prove that I am not completely insane, or ungrateful for what I do have in life is more than welcome. It went over how different it was for our parents in their 20’s compared to now; more relaxed and fun. Now pressures to get a job, make a decent living, and have a thriving family before the age of 30 is much higher. Adding in all the social media and networking which makes comparison of self-worth much more prominent, the depression/crisis age has become younger. They end by reassuring their readers that it is a common transition although not well known, and that it results in a pattern of positive changes. Yet again I say…..Quarter Life Crisis???…….FFS!

The last year or two I have pushed off these feeling, blaming them on my situation; relationship issues, money issues, job issues. I have always pushed through thinking “things will get better, they have to get better.”. I think reality finally hit me a couple months ago, maybe it’s me that’s the problem. Maybe I’m getting in the way of my own happiness. Do I not want to be happy? I know I want everything for my kids, I want them to be happy, but they will be affected by my unhappiness eventually if they aren’t already. So as some of my terrible choices in life come tumbling down around me, hurting is the easiest choice to focus on. I have thought about changing everything, going to basics of just my kids and I starting fresh, but if I’m the problem starting over won’t help. The worst part about it is hindsight, it scares the shit out of me to make changes now and realize later that I left, lost, or changed something that I can’t do without. How do you differentiate between what is the right or wrong choice? Which path do you take, and how do you decide that its right for you? Most of all, how do you decide what best for not only yourself but for your kids?

Why do I share all this? I think it will be beneficial to get some of the things on my mind “off my chest”. It also might help someone else, in the same position or mindset as myself to read this and realize that they aren’t alone. I hope to eventually talk in a little more detail about my troubles, tell some of the specific things that are going on in my life. I have to admit, as of right now I’m not quiet brave enough to post that stuff publicly, and not sure that I ever will be. I will continue to just breathe and hope things get better. Hopefully, the “pattern of positive changes” will be in sight soon.

First Day, First Post……

So today I woke up knowing this was going to be the first day of my new life, new thought process, new me…..its funny how that made it extremely hard to get out of bed. I have a lot of renovations to do in my life and I know its going to be a rough journey.

While laying in bed last night I was trying to think of different things I would like to post, projects to start, and interesting things to maybe talk about on here…….and wow….the self realization of how boring I am isn’t really what I wanted to prove to myself. I’ve decided to maybe try a few of the “blog challenges” and maybe even a daily “photo challenge” to get things rolling. I haven’t promoted this blog in the least bit, nor will I share my new found little hobby here with anyone I know. I think it will be nice to put down in words and pictures what I want daily even if there is no one to read/see them. (might even be better this way).  So here goes nothing, excuse the very generic and common challenges, but hey…..I have to start somewhere!

I’ll use this post as my intro and #2 will be posted tomorrow!